Smurfs

I don’t know… call it fan fiction? Find the cost of Smurfdom Buried in the ground Papa Smurf will swallow you Lay your body down

The End is Nigh: Getting the Most from your Apocalypse Experience (Introduction)

This is a series designed to help you embrace the apocalypse that our modern media has encouraged us to not only accept, but to embrace. It is broken up into 9 topics of general advice on how to get the most out of your own personal apocalypse, whatever it may be.

The End is Nigh: Getting the Most from your Apocalypse Experience (Part 1: Saying Goodbye)

Saying goodbye is never easy, so you want to get it over with as quickly as possible. I recommend something like this: Goodbye!

The End is Nigh: Getting the Most from your Apocalypse Experience (Part 2: Making Peace with “God”)

How does one make peace with the Almighty? First, you have to believe in an Almighty. If you do not believe in an Almighty, then you can skip this section and go straight to part 3. Congratulations! You move to the head of the class.

The End is Nigh: Getting the Most from your Apocalypse Experience (Part 3: Things You Will Need)

Does the title of this section befuddle you? “Hey, you just told me to burn all my crap! Now you tell me I may have needed some of that shit?” No, silly! All you will need is certain human characteristics – the shit in your head. The shit you can’t burn. Haven’t we all tried?

The End is Nigh: Getting the Most from your Apocalypse Experience (Part 4: Know Your Surroundings)

Look around you right now. What do you see? Take a quick mental inventory. Now close your eyes, count to ten and answer this question: How many flowers, pictured or real, are in your current environment?

The End is Nigh: Getting the Most from your Apocalypse Experience (Part 5: Leaving the Meat)

Is that too crude? Do you prefer a more poetic turn of phrase, like “shuffling off this mortal coil”? Well, tough. It’s the apocalypse, and time is too short for poetry.

The End is Nigh: Getting the Most from your Apocalypse Experience (Part 6: What About Those Parallel Universes?)

I mentioned earlier that during the apocalypse, other dimensions might shift into ours. Perhaps that deserves more than a passing comment. You see, our universe is just one of many, all adhering to different physical laws and vibrational frequencies.

The End is Nigh: Getting the Most from your Apocalypse Experience (Part 7: How do I Know if it is REALLY the Apocalypse?)

Holy shit. You’re just asking this question now? I hope you haven’t been following this book in a literal sequence, or you just might be in a world of shit right now.

The End is Nigh: Getting the Most from your Apocalypse Experience (Part 8: Will the Government Help Me?)

Hahahahahaha! …ahhh… man, I needed that. Oh wait, you were serious? No. No, of course the government will not help you! They will be too busy helping themselves.